Naruto Randomosity
by Sonic The Alchemist
Summary: My first Naruto story. Every chapter is a different random situation! Just imagine it: A Naruto Newsroom! Naruto and Naruko splitting into 2 different people! Itachi going stark raving mad! Please R&R! Rating may go up.


Hey! This is my first ever Naruto story so please don't be too cruel if you don't like it. And if you do...great! Tell me how you do or don't like it! Also, if you don't like _**AWESOME INSANITY TO THE MAXIMUM,**_ I wouldn't recommend you read this. Naruto belongs to...whoever owns him and I don't. Here it is!

P.S.: I only watch the English version, so I've only gotten so far in the Naruto arc.

Naruto Randomosity

Chapter 1

Naruto Newsroom

As the 11:00 hour approached quickly, the ever loveable Might Guy was ready to sit down after a rough day of training and sense sharpening. "Ah, time to sit down and watch the news!" Guy grabbed the television remote and quickly pushed the Power On button. Then, Kakashi Hatake entered the door. "Oh, hello Guy. Mind if I watch the news?"

"No problem Kakashi. It's just now coming on!"

"And now, the Konoha 11:00 News, with Naruto Uzumaki and Sakura Haruno." the announcer said as the news opened. The screen showed Naruto and Sakura about to report the news.

"Good evening, and welcome to the Konoha 11:00 news. I'm Sakura Haruno and--"

"Yeah, yeah, you're Sakura, blah blah, your hair is very pretty. Now, onto the important news!" Naruto said impatiently.

"Earlier today, Bushy Brow..."

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled.

"OK, Lee, was arrested for assaulting a gas station cashier in his Gate of Life form. Why you ask? Let's take a look at the footage from the security camera that was taped during the horrific incident.

The screen tuned onto a video tape recording of Lee standing in front of the cashier, angered. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY COUPON HAS EXPIRED?!?!?!" Lee screamed as he entered Gate of Life form and started to pummel the cashier.

The screen tunes back to Naruto and Sakura. "How could something like this happen?" Sakura asked in horror and grief for the cashier.

"A more important question is why is there a gas station in the Hidden Leaf Village if we don't use cars?" Naruto asked.

"Wow Naruto. That's the most sense you've made in the past 3 seasons." She snapped back at Naruto. "Now let's go to today's '_Special Interview_' with our '_special_' Interviewer, Kisame!"

Kisame is in a dark room as the camera shines only on his face. He picked up his microphone. "Thanks, Sakura. I'm here in none other than Haku's coffin, and I'm about to interview Haku." Kisame turns to Haku's dead body. "So Haku, how does it feel to be dead?" Kisame asked as he put the microphone near Haku's lips, patiently waiting for an answer.

Naruto and Sakura watch, disturbed. "Um...Kisame? I didn't know today's interview would be _this_ special." Sakura regretably asked.

"Hey! I look like I have fish skin and my sword eats chakra. I have problems, OK?" Kisame yelped back at Sakrua. He turns back to Haku and continues to wait for a response.

"OK...we'll get back to that. Anyway, now for the weather with Chouji Akimichi. Chouji!" Sakura announced as the screen turned towards Chouji.

"Thanks, Sakura. Now, onto the weather. Today's weather is rather destructive today. You see, the west side of the Hidden Leaf Village will be visited by a sudden gust of wind, which smells a lot like burritos." Chouji then burps on the entire west side of the green screen map of the Hidden Leaf Village.

Sakura gasps at Chouji's behavior as Naruto starts laughing uncontrolably. "Um, Chouji? What are you doing?" she asks him.

"Wait, wait, I'm not done! OK. The Sand Village is having some really bad luck as well. A nuclear explosion is taking place right now as we speak."

"What do you mea--" Sakura asks as she was cut off by Chouji farting in front of the Sand Village's location on the weather map.

"Chouji!" Sakura blurts out in disguist.

"Hold on, hold on! All right, now we'll take a look at the center of the Hidden Leaf Village, which looks a lot like my big fat ass." Chouji says as he turns around and places his finger sliding down his butt. "Well, we're here at the statue of the 4 Hokages, and it looks like one of Orochimaru's giant brown snakes is attacking the statues. Wait! That's not a snake!" Chouji screams, holding his laughter, and he makes a crapping noise. "Heh heh. That's all for the weather, back to you Sakura!" Chouji says as he bursts out laughing.

"Well, that was...disturbing. Anyway, onto sports, with Shikamaru Nara. Shika!" Sakura informed the audience as the camera shifted towards Shikamaru.

Shikamaru was trembling with weakness. He looked like he hadn't had sleep in a long time. Shikamaru pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. "O-Ok, today in s-s-sports, the Konoha F-F-F-Footb-b-ball t-team...AAAHHH!!! GET THAT FUCKING CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!!" Shikamaru blurted out as he ran towards the camera and stabbed it out with a kunai knife.

"OK, that was weird." Sakura said out loud. Then, she felt naked boobs press against her back and arms across her shoulders. "So Sakura...you ready for some hot yuri action?" a sexy female voice asked her. She turned around and it was Naruko (Naruto's Sexy Jutsu form).

"Naruto, what the Hell?" She screams out.

"Sshh...don't say a word..." Naruko whispered to her as she placed her hands on Sakura's chest. Sakura's eyes widened and she quickly gritted her teeth and clenched her fist.

The screen then blacked out for about 10 seconds. When the screen came back on, Sakura was calm again and Naruto was beaten senseless. "Now, onto '_Helpful Hint of the Day_' with Sasuke Uchiha. Sasuke!" Sakura announced.

Naruto was almost unconcious as his head lays motionless on the news table. "I think the inside of my chest is bleeding..."

"Now Sasuke, what's the hint of the day?" Sakura asked.

The screen quickly turned to Sasuke Uchiha in a director's chair. "Don't smoke crack. Your brother will kill all your family members and make you watch if you do." A long silence was followed after the so-called '_hint_'. "That is all." Sasuke concluded.

"Thanks, Sasuke! Very informitive! Now, onto '_Training Sessions_' with Orochimaru and Kabuto. Take it away!" Sakura announced.

The screen turned to Orochimaru and Kabuto sitting in chairs. Orochimaru had a rock in his hand and Kabuto was reading a magazine, very uninterested. "All right Kabuto. Here's your training for today. If you can snatch this rock from me, you pass today's training session." he said to his apprentice. Kabuto sighed. "All right." Kabuto pulled out a hand gun and shot Orochimaru. He fell down and snatched the rock from his hand. "Back to you Sakura." Kabuto replied to Sakura uninterested.

"Thanks. Now, we'll tune to Tenten the interviewer. Tenten!"

Tenten was hiding in a bush. "Sakura, I'm hiding from Hinata and Neji Hyuga. They're both in all out war. After arguing who should get the last Fruit Roll-Up, they're now in a full fledged painball war. I'm hiding here to stay safe."

"DIE HINATA!!!" Neji yelled out in the battlefield as he shot paintballs at Hinata rapidly.

"I'm sorry cousin...but I have to do this...that Fruit Roll-Up was Blueberry! It's so good. I must have it!" she whispered to herself. She began to shoot paintballs at Neji as though she was an automatic machine gun terret.

"Well, we'll get back to this situation later...or whenever it ends. Whichever comes first. Back to you Sakura!" Tenten reported. She then screamed as she was struck by a speeding paintball.

"Thanks Tenten. Now, let's get back to Kisame."

Kisame was still in Haku's coffin, waiting for an answer from Haku. After a scaringly long silence, Kisame finally spoke. "Interesting. Zabuza, your response?" Kisame asks as he looks at Zabuza's corpse next to Haku's. "Back to you, Sakura!"

"All right. And in quick news, today, it has finally been confirmed. Iruka Sensei is gay. More details soon." Naruto announced.

Watching the news, Gai announced "Ha! I knew it! That's 5 dollars you owe me Kakashi!"

"Crap. The fanbase is gonna eat me alive for this one." Kakashi said in a worried voice.

"Well, that's it for now. After the commercial break, Gaara and Temari: Is their romance real? If so, is it wrong? We'll find out." Sakura announced.

"And will I live to see another day or will I die by internal bleeding? Stay tuned..." Naruto said as he passed out.

The screen faded out and went to commercials.

&&&

Well, I hope you guys liked it! Please tell me how it was! And please review and stay tuned!


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